Single women in Amsterdam often have difficulty finding partners these days, and more individuals without a steady romantic relationship than ever before call the city home. While the problem is particularly pronounced among women who are older than thirty, those in their twenties aren’t immune. Several factors appear to play a role in the problem, including a gender imbalance in the Randstad as well as the importance of social media and dating apps when it comes to finding love.
There are more women than men in the Randstad, and the difference is particularly marked among those younger than twenty. In Amsterdam there are around 87 men in their twenties for every 100 women in the same age group, according to numbers published in newspaper De Telegraaf.
The overall gender imbalance in the city appears to have several contributing factors, including Amsterdam’s attraction to the young and ambitious and a long-standing difference in the number of men and women attending and graduating from higher educational institutions. Dutch women have outnumbered men in higher education for over two decades, and there are currently far more female than male students in Amsterdam.
To further complicate things, the ubiquity of social media and dating apps often creates an atmosphere in which dating is frequently fast and lacking in depth, particularly among millennials. ‘It remains superficial and doesn’t go into depth. Young adults are mainly concerned with exhibiting socially appropriate behaviour towards each other. This creates little or no bonding, while this is necessary for a stable relationship,’ explains clinical psychologist Jan Derksen in newspaper Het Parool.
Women who find a life partner in their twenties often take the most eligible men off the market, leaving fewer options for highly-educated women who start looking to settle down after finishing their studies. Highly-educated women who start searching for partners later in life often encounter men with whom they have little in common. ‘They aren’t good matches for the remaining ambitious women, and the two groups don’t seek each other out,’ explains Jan Latten, a former demographer at Statistics Netherlands.
Women who start looking for love later in life often meet men who aren’t interested in commitment. ‘Commitment turns out to be a very scary word for men in their 30s and 40s. Everything can be fun and go well, but hardly anyone wants to make it official. It’s so easy to arrange a new date, via dating apps or in the pub, that people become afraid to commit,’ according to 37-year-old Sanne, cited in De Telegraaf. Women over thirty also regularly report encountering married men who are interested in open relationships. ‘They are married and have children but still want to date and have sex with other women. According to them, the partner is fine with that,’ states Sanne.
However, all is not lost when it comes to love and relationships in the modern world. Developing emotional intelligence and being in touch with and able to navigate one’s emotions can help younger individuals develop relationships with deeper bonds, explains Derksen. And persistence often pays off for women over thirty when it comes to finding a partner. ‘At a certain point, some of the nice, successful men who were previously taken come back onto the market when their relationship is on the rocks,’ suggests Latten. After all, couples who live together in their twenties nowadays often go their separate ways within 5 years or so.
Singledom has steadily increased throughout the Netherlands over the years. In 1947, only about 5 percent of Dutch adults were single; by 2017, that had increased to around 22 percent, according to Het Parool. The trend towards singledom is pronounced among those in their twenties. Currently, only 47 percent of twentysomethings live with a partner, while around the turn of the millennium, that number was still close to 59 percent.
Written by Lorre Luther